Friendship Accord
1
Hey Ray, Can I get you to sign this for me?
Um, What's it for? It looks dense
I'm just looking to contractualise my friendships...
Make things official!
We've been friends for six years, why do we need this now?
Ah, Yes. In the glossary of terms you'll notice that period is referred to as the lawless days
Have you read through the contract yet Ray?
I'm not signing a contract to be your friend Jude
I'll sign it
Umm, this one's for BEST friends Otto
I'll have to tweak the wording for your contract
How would you describe our… thing?
Super best friends?
2
Ray is nocturnal
I know we all pretend like that's not an issue but...
BEST friend is serious
You want full-time hours right?
I've got to look at quality over quantity Otto
This is flagrant discrimination
Why do you even want to contractualise your friendships?
There's a beauty in the unspoken bond
Like when I helped you move house for instance
Nothing was put in writing but we both understood…
I basically own you now
3
You helped me move house six years ago Otto
And you've been in my pocket ever since
I've just been biding my time to cash in my chips
Pull the trigger on the big 'ol favorooney
What's the statute of limitations on favors?
I am cashing in my IOU Jude
I want you to appoint me your best friend
in perpetuity, throughout the known universe
I'm afraid your IOU has expired
What?
It's in the small print
Look a bit closer at the dot of the I
IOU
Non-transferable
Must be used within
48 hours
4
An IOU can't expire
I earned that favor!
I'd love to honor it - but it's deceased, perished.
If it were up to me I'd let it go…
but the suits upstairs just won't allow it
Suits?
Hey Ray, have you signed the contract to be my friend yet?
I'm getting the suits upstairs to look it over Jude
What!? We don't need to get suits involved Ray
We're friends!
We don't need to get contracts involved Jude!
5
Has Ray still not signed the friendship contract?
No, and now he's lawyer'd up
His lawyer is a real weasel
You really bring down all animal-kind when you use derogatory language like that.
Morning, I represent Weasel, Weasel and Weasel Associates
Hand out for a handshake
In the matter of
Ray vs Jude: best friend accord,
we have some areas of concern
Oh?
Did you write the contract yourself madam?
Yes
It sets out the terms very clearly using concise and simple vocabulary…
Thank you
No, no, this is our main area of concern
Oh
6
This contract is entirely too penetrable
It is clear you are lacking official representation in this matter
May I suggest one of my associates Weasel or Weasel?
Umm, isn't that a… what do you call it?
Conflict of interest?
No,no, mutually assured victory you see?
Standard procedure, we're the only lawyers in the whole west woods.
Sign here please
Jude signs
Ray - hereafter referred to as Party B will sign the accord once we’ve sorted it out.
Needs some unilateral caveats I’d say, wouldn't you Weasel?
Certainly about 90% more Latin needed Weasel.
Now we’re talking Weasel.
7
Have you heard from Weasel, Weasel and Weasel?
I can’t talk about the current negotiations Jude, I’d be in breeches and I’m too big for ‘em.
Weasel told me he was going to “force ma jeure”.
Sounds painful.
Here they come
Weasel, give me fair warning before you “force ma jeure” eh?
Oh don’t worry about that Jude…
We’ve removed that clause. Much better for everyone involved.
That’s a relief
Oh, we quite agree…
You’re much better off with a Bi-lateral Discharge.
8
Have both parties read the friendship accord?
Yes
Yes
Any questions?
Well, I didn’t understand a single word of it.
Nor me.
Perfect, this way if you run into any troubles, you come straight to us for arbitration.
We just require a retainer for our future services on top of our modest fee.
Sign here.
Jude
Yes Ray?
I’ve thought of something we can do together in this new era of friendship…
Chasing off the weasels with sticks and stones
Get out of here you stinking weasels!
Nothing like a mutual enemy to forge a strong friendship is there?
Another happy customer for Weasel,Weasel and Weasel Associates I’d say.
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